tee gee

“Pinterest is like Tiffany’s. Everything is better there.”

– An Angry Me (2015)

Picture it: my kitchen, like 3 hours ago. I was filled with the now apparently delusional thought that I was going to make these cute cake pops l saw on Pinterest. I’m practicing for our Halloween Bake Sale next week, and for some deranged reason, I thought I could make perfect cake pops the first time around.

Well, fuck cake pops. I seriously can’t. I got as far as molding the cake/frosting mixture into balls, which were quite delicious (giggity), but when it came time to add the outer coating, I called it quits three balls in. I was so angry that instead of perfectly coated, smooth balls, my cake pop balls looked like jagged dingle berries.

I stopped because I’ll admit that I have a problem with needing to be very good at things at all times, even on the first try. I figured, if these crafty moms can do it, so can I! Nope. Wrong. To make matters worse, instead of taking it as a learning lesson with the “I’ll do better next time” attitude, I arrived at the “Fuck Cake Pops” conclusion.

Social Media Profile Envy: Their Pretty Balls

The birth of social media that gives our friends, families, enemies and others we friend solely for entertainment (don’t lie, we all do it) the ability to highlight and share only the peaks of their daily lives creates a sense of envy and jealousy among us. I’m not Stacy Dashing here, just ask the New York Post. That chick from high school has it made because she doesn’t work, lives off her husband and brags about all the nice shit she gets. Plus everyone thinks she’s gorgeous because she’s semi in-shape and doesn’t ever look tired because, oh, that’s right, she doesn’t have to get up every day and go to a job she hates, or even one she likes. Then there’s the other girl who might lack real friends because of all her senseless moronic rants about everyday struggles every person on this planet suffers. True friends tell you when you’re being an idiot in real life and on social media.

I could continue running down the list of “That one FB friend who,” but these characters are native to just about everyone on social media. I loved reading all the articles about social media profile envy because it was a beautiful sobering reminder that, despite what you see online, everyone’s life is at least a little shitty. But did you know that you can also fail at bringing your ideas to life too??? It’s very possible, and if you don’t believe me, just sign on to Pinterest.

#PinterestLies and #RealityEnvy

I sew, and when I put my mind to it, I can make some cute stuff. I’m ok at cooking, and ok at baking. But everyone ever anywhere on Pinterest is a fucking professional seamstress, baker, chef, artist who can magically organize their home with cute dollar store finds. Oh, and they are also all professional photogs. You wanna know how I know? See photo above, and see mine, here:

Yep, that filter is called The Fridge Light, and here we see a backdrop of Shock Top, milk, some Greek yogurt and sweet sauce for lumpia. Dingle. Berries.

Maybe other people see Pinterest as just another social media site that blends into the background of profile/social media envy. Like, it’s all clumped together. FB, Twitter and IG remind me of the shortcomings in my overall life, like my crappy job, being overweight, wading through school loan debt while others frolic in the pastures of a high income, struggling to pay bills and therefore not being able to travel or party the night away coast to coast in the most fashionable outfits, you know, things like that.

For some reason I see Pinterest as a different level and category of life where I am obviously also failing. I think Pinterest, more than some of the other social media sites, is a vortex of ideas that have come to fruition via extraordinarily crafty and talented people. Maybe they should set some requirements for joining, like having a culinary degree, an AA in photography with a minor in baking and the time and patience of a few saints. Perhaps then, the expectations of what I can make from the recipes, ideas and instructions found on Pinterest would be more realistic instead of this towering peak I always manage to miss.

End rant. Keep learning new things. You can still find me in the idea vortex from time to time. Fuck cake pops. That beautiful person you envy online might have IBS. They might not. Either way, they’re a few notches short because at the end of the day, they’re not you.  Make your ideas come to life, and don’t worry about taking perfect pictures of the results.